Have you ever uttered these words? Have you ever heard these words?
Let’s check in with what Eleanor Roosevelt thought on this matter:
· “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
· “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
· “The most important think in any relationship is not what you get but what you give.”
This woman had amazing insight and awareness. We are lucky to live in her shadow. But still yet, we fail to take full responsibility for the emotions we constantly experience.
Mark Manson, the author of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck,” touches on the same sentiments. He teases out the complicated concept of responsibility from fault. He explains that no matter what the other person does, we have to take responsibility for our emotional response. Therefore, no one can make us mad. Which is a fault statement. We make ourselves mad. True responsibility statement.
But, as Eleanor pointed out above, sometimes we over estimate others’ actions being based on us, rather than on them and their needs. In psychology this is called False Attribution Error, where we assume others’ actions are a reflection on us. Others’ actions are ALWAYS a reflection on them.
Can we give effective feedback to the people we care most about? Can we tell them how we respond emotionally to their actions, without acting it out? This is was Eleanor is talking about in terms of giving more than getting. Are we informing our partners of our most tender needs? Or, are we stuck thinking that they are trying to be hurtful?